shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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