I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
