Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
