Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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