I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
