im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
