i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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