Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
