I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
