is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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