hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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