before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
