I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
