i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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