If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
