Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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