the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
