worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
