are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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