I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize