I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
