So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
