Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
