he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
