God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
