fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
