she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
