Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im holly from the hills drunk
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
