I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
