my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
