He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
