no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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