I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
