He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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