New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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