theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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