It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
