My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
