i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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