Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
