guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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