I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish i was in the wii world.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
