At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
