Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
