time to smoke my breakfast
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
