and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
