I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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