There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
