i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
