North Korea, Best Korea!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
