so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
