He had one of those small greek statue penises
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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