I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
