You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
