He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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