not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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